Burger Time – classic “holy shit you guys, I smoked an entire 8 Ball last night and had a great idea for a game – crazier than that idea about the bubble-blowing dragons”.  You play a little chef (arf) and have to avoid the various demented food trying to kill you.  There’s even a silly sausage that wiggles along (if you want to get technical, the names of the enemies are Mr Pickle, Mr Hot Dog and Mr Egg).  The aim is to make a burger by walking along the burger parts sat on each platform until they drop to the next level (and anything below that will drop a level too) until all the constituent parts of the burger hit the floor to make a complete hamburger.  Then I guess you eat the enormous burger, although you don’t see that.  I’m just assuming there’s a point to Little Chef running his ass off in the world of food make-believe.

Actually, it would help if there was a point to it, because it is HARD AS SHIT.  You have five “peppers” to temporarily disable anything that is within striking distance of you – once you run out, you’re a dead man.  You can also drop a burger part onto an enemy if they’re stupid enough to be below you – which they aren’t, because they zero in on you like a salesman in PC World.  The music is cheerfully annoying and the ladders up the platforms require precision timing in order to use them.  It’s a game I’d love to love, but it infuriates me to the point of smashing something.

Play time = 10 minutes

Verdict = An indigestion nightmare, but still the better of the two little chefs.